This is how to convincingly argue without breaking up your relationship.

When was the last time you had an argument with bae? Were you angry, or sober with it? How did it make you feel and how did your significant other feel? Did you win, or you lost out? And even if you won the argument, what did you win, or what did you lose? Does it even matter? That yelling moment you get an argument with “who-the-heck” and you just want to win that vocal fight and not lose your relationship, hoping and praying it works out. We’ve all been there. Dear lovers, you can convincingly win the argument without breaking up.


Related media: How To Argue – Philosophical Reasoning Crash Course Philosophy #2


How To Argue 101

First thing first, everyone doesn’t want to lose an argument, and it seems all our focus is on being right, rather than accepting the fact that the argument is in itself, baseless. You envision the world in a certain way and feel its your moral duty to let someone understand whatever your bias is. We see it as our mission (impossible) to try as much as possible to convince the other person to agree with our perspective by throwing all our facts right at them. That’s rude!

However, you don’t win an argument by overpowering or silencing the other person. And even if you “win” that way, you lost the entire argument, and that’s what would lead to that breakup. But take a second and ask yourself, what’s most important: the relationship or being right? It’s the relationship, not you. The conflict between you and bae comes from having different opinions, and good relationships can overcome these differences. You win the argument if both of you agree.

When faced with an argument, we try often than not as to win by belittling the other person in a manner that goes beyond moral values — be it yelling, nagging, or even inflicting abusive words — and the conflict becomes all about demeaning the other person. We struggle to keep hold of ourselves: our integrity, self-worth, more than the respect for the other person’s own. Our entire self-image becomes dependent on winning the argument.



What’s The Yelling About?

Image: Couples Therapy Center / iStock / Getty Images Plus

Oftentimes, the best thing to do is to be clear with the objectives of our argument, instead than using it as a means of showing off our prowess of arguing — of which we aren’t good at. The real goal is to make the best out of the argument with the relationship even stronger; and if we can achieve this, not only will we resolve the argument, but also, reach a level of mutual understanding and respect. And even if our perspectives are right and the other wrong, our focus should still remain on the relationship.

If our relationship is in good standing, we could work through our differences and come out with an understanding; but if not, than the manner in which we work together only creates more differences. There is no hope. We end up blaming the other for it, but we’re all wrong, after all. Such relationships are senselessly destroyed, and this could crumble businesses and even dissolve partnerships. All because people don’t know how to talk to one another. This is known as “the art of communication” — to communicate is to commune, and to commune is all about the relationship.

Admit it, the best way is to make your point clear, and to convince others what your perspectives are — kind of agreeing to disagree? But both parties, (i.e. you and bae), must put the focus on the relationship, and make your points clear to each other, after all. And it seems this is why the argument started in the first place to begin with, huh? The relationship is a sacrifice, and if you want to keep it, sacrifice your win for it. Period!



Just Take It Easy With Bae

Image: Shutterstock / iStock / Getty Images Plus

After all, the relationship remains stronger than before, but if the other person blows it, don’t throw it back at them. Handle it better than they did. That’s mature of you. And deep inside, you know if they go wrong, its better to deal with it knowing that you’d give them enough space and time to reflect upon it. Relationships are these social bonds that extent beyond just two people having an intimate affair. It is a mutual companionship that survive on the principle that both of you are going to keep it together no matter what. And that’s the art of communication.

So being the winner of an argument is just a far cry, and if you lose, you don’t lose the relationship. Get it! Trying whatever shady tactics you have up your sleeves just to win doesn’t make you an expert at arguments. And always remember how, why, or what got both of you started with the relationship in the first place. Do you want to throw it all away, simply because you want to win something as worthless as an argument? You can do better than that. To sum it up, give up the fight.


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Written by: Nana Kwadwo, Sat, Oct 23, 2021.

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