Here are five steps to help you stop a conversation from turning into an argument. 

Avoid turning a conversation into an unnecessary argument.

Let’s say you go to work late, your boss is not pleased with you, and you’re asked why you’re late. You get into defensive mood, and try to justify your actions, but your boss isn’t convinced. This conversation begins to pick up tension as your boss keeps on demanding that you behave more responsive. Oh my, you suddenly take offense, and it seems you’re  going to lose it, you know. That awkward moment you don’t want to argue. We’ve all been there. Here are five tips to help you stop the conversation from turning into an argument.



How To Get Rid Of An Argument

We all hate arguments, but inevitably, we always end up in one. Obviously! Arguments don’t come out of nowhere, they arise when we least expect it; and it does we just give in to it though we wished not. The moment you lose focus with your partner and begin to miss the subtle cues in a rising tension, is when it all starts. You might not realize that you were getting defensive, emotional, or even arrogant, and pop goes the weasel.

Of course, we always disagree with each other, and that brewing argument is certainly counterproductive to the conversation because we seize to understand one another. So how do you defuse an argument? For a conversation to be successful, we all need a direct, honest, and healthy environment where everyone feels valued and respect enough. An effective communication require mutual understanding. Follow these five steps to defuse your next argument and foster strong conversations.



#1. Pause For A Moment

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Take a deep breath, once you realize the conversation is heating up or picking up pace. Hold on for a moment, and comment on the rising tension. Don’t raise a point, react, or even continue to talk about the issue at hand. Instead, shift your attention to what’s going on and what might likely happen between your and the other person. If you sense a rise in tension, gracefully take charge and calm the matters arising before they escalate any further. You got this.



#2. Gather Your Thoughts

This is crucial to the conversation now, and subsequent ones to come. What were you discussing that got things tensed up? Think about it thoroughly with the other person and realize what went wrong that nearly led to that pending argument. This lets both of you show clarity with the most important points you need to take away from the conversation. And, do you want to address it a little differently next time? Remember, you’re always in control of your thoughts.



#3. Choose Wisely

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It takes two to start a conversation, and the same to build and continue an argument. Do you give in to the argument and ruin your relationship? Or, do you give up and save it? Never give up, right? Choose wisely. Plan to stay in control of the situation as it builds up. Don’t give your final word. Focus on the outcome you’re hoping to achieve with the conversation. Before you re-engage, make a conscious decision to stay calm and graceful, even if the tension rises again.



#4. Take Responsibility

Of course, this is the most important step. Take responsibility for any harm you might have caused during the conversation, even if it was unintentional. Don’t defend yourself as if they were wrong and you were right. Sincerely apologize if you were wrong, and for whatever you did that set the stage for that rise in tension. Say, “I’m really sorry for offending you,” instead of saying, “I’m sorry if I offended you.” The former seems more mature and responsible than the latter.



#5. Stay Focused

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Finally, focus on the topic at hand. Take your time and remain calm. Stay focus and engaged in the conversation, even if the other person picks up the tension. Hold fast! And don’t lose it again, too. Its natural for both of you to feel unease with each other again, after all. But to finally defuse it, if the tension starts, then you need a break. Give yourselves the benefit of the doubt that you both want a healthy conversation, and relationship. So you resolve the conflict instead.

Let us know if you find these steps useful.


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Written by: Nana Kwadwo, Mon, Oct 04, 2021.

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