Have you met someone who seemed like your soulmate? That all-important significant other who agrees with whatever you say, and made you feel your life is complete. At first, you both had a lot in common: loads of stories to share, had similar life goals, so it felt difficult to detach yourself for whatever reason you got in — albeit, temporary or forever. They seem perfect on paper, but they suddenly went from a blissful lover to that awful person you’d never want to see again. Dear lovers, if you’ve been there, chances are you were dating a narcissist.
Related media: 12 Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist
Who Is A Narcissist?
First, a crash course about who fits the definition of a narcissist. This is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. In short, a self-centered person. According to psychology, this is a disorder in which a person has an overwhelming sense of interest for their self above others. Diagnosed as narcissist personality disorder (NPD), it involves a combination of factors that range from genetics to social to even personal relationships. So are you narcissistic?
Never mind, but most often than not, we tend to choose in preference to what we deem befitting. Obviously! This is even coded in our Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) — we choose the most attractive person who looks healthier. We tend to choose a mate who we think will survive long enough to pass on our genes. The friendship begins with communication, support, trust, and commitment; then comes the sizzle, excitement, passion, fun, chemistry (and not forgetting scoodlypooping). These are the things we want in a relationship.
We later look at contributions. Are both partners contributing significantly, or is it a one way traffic? Is it 50/50, or 100 percent on you? Are you all in or all out? This is where you realize you’re dating a narcissist, if you’re 100 percent all the way in, and bae seems to be the beneficiary. They intentionally intertwine themselves into your life so perfectly to the point where you no longer know your self-worth. And it seems you can’t live without them. Truth is, you’re being manipulated by a narcissist, and that’s why you get the “soulmate” fantasy.
Are You Dating A Narcissist?
There’s a story of a narcissist who successfully dated hundreds and hundreds of women, convincing each one of them to believe that they were his soulmate. And it didn’t matter how he treated them, used them, cheated, or lied. He made them feel incredibly amazing to the point where he told one of his mistresses that he got in a subway during 9/11, and that’s why he didn’t call her back for seven days. Now that’s the best lie of the century.
The worst part is that, all these women were successful enough; and not only did he take advantage of their emotions, but their finances as well. As he often preyed upon women with low self-esteem, had insecurities from past relationships. He left a bad reputation in his wake, as these women grew emotional attached to him that they couldn’t move on as he was their soulmate. They were stuck in his love cycle.
Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist
So how on Earth do you notice that you’re dating a narcissist? Here are a few clues to watch out for:
1. They have no boundaries — they will move in with you, or you with them without permission, and you’d seem not bothered. Why? This feels so good to be true, cause you’re having fun together. “You are my soulmate,” they confess. They have taken over your life.
2. They always prioritize about their needs — the conversation has to be in their favor. Since they started the whole deal, they get their say first. “I want to sleep in this side of the bed,” “I want you to do this for me,” and their endless demand list of I wants. You’re dating a narcissist, hello!
3. They are belittling — they seem to love you so much, and you’ll think that you’ll easily break their heart. Truth is, they’re just playing you. They make you feel like no one else would love you as they do. But its just a matter of time. They will go away.
4. They suddenly turn into your only friend — THEM. You’re now addicted to them. Whatever they say or do is now of great significance to you. You’re simply their prisoner of love. Caged and controlled.
5. Alas, the fun stops, and the fighting begins — this happens with every relationship, right? Of course, but dating a narcissist is on a whole new level. When something goes wrong, tempers flare up, “How could you …?” That’s when endless arguments starts until you eventually give up.
Breaking Up With Narcissist
By now, if you’ve realized that you’re dating a narcissist, here’s what you should do.
1. Keep healthy boundaries — it takes about six months to completely know someone. At about three months, they will begin acting up. Its about time you got some space. Ask yourself, ’if this is ‘the one,’ why the rush?”
2. Your life is about you, not them — prioritize yourself first. All they want from you is to please their every interest. Please yourself.
3. Keep your activities routined — such as workout, lunchtime with friends, and a close social circle.
4. Don’t lose yourself to them — you are the important person in your life. If they don’t respect that, the best thing is to let go and and move on. You are worth it.
5. Break up as soon as possible — you’ll be grateful to yourself.
Do you think you’re dating a narcissist?
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Written by: Nana Kwadwo, Mon, Feb 07, 2022.